LilMrST's Journey into Buddhism [2]

Entry by 1128 – LilMrST

As much as I was given the opportunity to learn Dharma, I did not appreciate it as I felt that it was dragging. The lesson became a chore to me as much as other lessons. I started not paying attention to the teachings and treated it like any other lessons that we had to study and pass the subject. The teachers were boring and didn’t attract me at all. Moreover, most of my close friends were either Catholic or Christian and they always pulled me to go to church and try to convert me. Worst, my secondary school principal, who was close to my dad and therefore placed special interest in me, was a devoted committee of a Christian church (in my secondary school, the rate of Christian students and teachers was more than any other religions) and I couldn’t seem to escape from her.

So, although I was in Buddhism class, I also went to church sometimes and even joined the Christmas events in church. It was fun, I made lotsa friends there, especially in the youth group. I started to neglect Buddhism and had no interest in the teaching at all. But, at the same time, I also didn’t go deeper into Christianity. It was merely for the sake of the ‘fun-ness’ that I went to church and participated in all those events.

My mum was pretty upset with me going to church. She was a devoted Buddhist and hoped that I could be one, too. Plus, her reason was because I was already given to ‘Kwan Im’ so by me going to church, it was a case of betrayal. I stopped going to church but was quite reluctant being a Buddhist, either.

Then, I came to Singapore to further my study after my secondary school in Jakarta. Here, I didn’t have anymore religious study and friends continued to pull me over. In Singapore, there was a huge group of Indonesians, esp. the young ones, who were members of an Indonesian church in Hilton Hotel. By joining them, you would be seen as a hip, trendy young Indonesian. Pulled and tempted to go but did not. I was once invited to an Indonesian cell group by my dad’s friend’s son, who was determined to become a pastor, but was freaked out by them speaking in ‘Holy Tongue’ and never joined them anymore

So, with no religion, alone with no family in other country, new environment, new people, my life was pretty hard. For the first 2 years in Singapore, it was still alright, except for the fact that I struggled with my studies and the people around me. I came across a lot of new friends and different groups introduced me to different type of lives. These were the times that I started going clubbing, boozing, getting to know more guys, and all other bad things. But, I stayed away from drugs though as I didn’t wanna spoil my brain cells!!! At these times, too, my mum never gave up to encourage me to go to temple and be a good Buddhist. I just ignored her.

Then came 1997, there was a big monetary crisis in Asia. The dollars went up against Rupiah and thus, the cost of letting me staying in Singapore was increased by 5 times for my parents. Worst, both of my mum’s shops was being burnt to ashes along with other shops and made huge losses. The bad news reached the climax when in 1998, the riot against the Chinese in Indonesia erupted.

All these happenings resulted in my parents to be busy trying to resolve the issues. They had to run away from one country to another until they finally settled down temporarily in Malaysia. A year later, they migrated to Australia. My dad also had a heart attack and went through 2 operations. All these times, I had little contact with them and didn’t see them at all for two years plus.

To be continued ....